Something for the Soul
by fowl68
Summary: Zelos has heard all the stories, that the people of Mizuho are secret-keepers and secret-stealers. And yet, whenever he looks at her, all he can see is Sheena.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. The song is Way Back Into Love from Music and Lyrics.

**Author's Note:** Got the sudden inspiration for this when I was sketching and listening to my mp3 player. Figured I should write it down before the idea left me.

Hope everyone has a good New Year's Eve and lots of luck in the new year.

-/-/-/-

_I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know _where_ the hell you are. ~J.D. Salinger, __**The Catcher in the Rye**__**, 1945**_

-/-/-

_I've been living with a shadow over head_

_I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed_

She has nightmares. The bad kind. The kind that have you jerking awake because you feel like you're falling and that leave you paranoid and touchy the rest of the day. Tiga is the only one who tries to get near her on those days, or most days.

"Drink." He tells her, pushing a cup of tea towards her.

Sheena blinks up at him and exhaustion is written on her face in the dark circles beneath her eyes and the unsmiling mouth. She was turning eleven today and she wasn't smiling. Tiga hadn't known the world could be quite that cruel.

"Thanks." Sheena says, her voice hoarse. It's from screaming herself awake every night, Tiga knows and he hates that knowledge.

Tiga hesitates before saying, "Happy birthday."

"If you say so."

Where had the bright, laughing girl gone? Who was this hollow spectre that had taken her place? Had she been lost in Volt's Temple on that day two weeks ago? Tiga wants to see that girl again, misses her presence. Even if she wasn't born in the village, Sheena had become an integral part of Mizuho. The village seems duller without her there.

_I've been lonely for so long_

_Trapped in the past i just can't seem to move on_

Sheena wanders the village until she can't stand it anymore. Until she can't take seeing the pieces of lives that she'd broken. There are wives packing their dead husband's things away, children who try to play but know that something isn't right because someone is missing. Kuchinawa won't look at her and the rare times their eyes do meet, he looks at her with accusation in his eyes. Orochi isn't like that, but neither is he forgiving. He's silent sorrow and resignation, not forgiveness.

Sheena takes to walking through Gaoracchia Forest. It isn't safe, she knows, so she stays within sight of the edges of the forest. It's quiet here, but it isn't the stifling quiet of Mizuho. She was found here, in this forest and her mind naturally travels to her birth parents. Who were they? Did she act like her father? Would she remind her father of her mother when he looked at her? Whose eyes did she have? Did she walk or laugh like them?

Sometimes, she entertains notions that her parents are hermits, living in Gaoracchia to escape persecution from the Pope. That she'll stumble upon their cottage and they'll recognize her immediately because what parent doesn't recognize their own child and they'd ask her to live with them and she'd agree because then she might be able to forget all about Mizuho and Volt and Summon Spirits.

But it's only a notion.

_I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away _

_Just in case I ever need them again someday_

_I've been setting aside time_

_To clear a little space in the corners of my mind_

He's irresponsible, they say. Not fit for being a Chosen. Not like his father. Not a proper member of society like his sister could have been.

Zelos works to ignore it, but the whispers only go away once he's away from the noble's quarters, when he's out of Meltokio where everyone and their mother knows his face and his name. Out here, in the wide open plains that stand in the shadow of the Fooji Mountains, no one knows him. There are no whispers and no sidelong glances. It's calming.

He walks as far as he can until daylight begins to fade and he begins to head back. Once, he climbed all the way to the top of Mount Fooji. The world had stretched out before him that day, like it would never end.

His mind spouts facts from what he can see. The exact length of the Tethe'alla Bridge, the history of the Earth Temple, the legends of Gaoracchia Forest. They're all in his mind because he used to devour travel and guide books as a kid. He'd wanted to travel all over Tethe'alla, wanted to see the great tree-buildings of Ozette, the beaches of Altamira. Wanted to see the great libraries of the elves and the market days in Sybak.

But he can't. Not anymore. Because a Chosen is chained by duty and Zelos wants just say s_crew_ duty, but he can't because Seles had wanted it so badly and he wants to understand_ why_.

_All i wanna do is find a way back into love_

_I can't make it through without a way back into love_

_I've been watching but the sun refuses to shine_

_I've been searching but i just don't see the signs_

"I'm leaving."

Tiga stares at her. This isn't the same girl from before the Volt incident, but neither is it the too-quiet shell of the girl. The Sheena before him now is resigned and still a little too quiet, but she's more…together.

"Leaving?" He finally manages.

"Yeah. I…I can't stay in Mizuho anymore." She's kneeling before him and her fists are clenched_ (She doesn't want to leave. This is_ home_ but it's not anymore because she's broken it and she can't put it back together)_.

"Where will you go?"  
Sheena shrugs. "I don't know yet."

"You could go to Meltokio."

She eyes him warily. "What's in Meltokio?"

"The Imperial Research Academy. They were doing research on Summon Spirits. Perhaps you could help them."

Sheena flinches reflexively at 'Summon Spirits', but she's thinking about it. It wasn't as though she had anywhere else to go and Tiga doesn't want her to become another statistic of travelers lost or killed by bandits.

"…Sure. I'll try it out."

_I know that it's out there_

_There's got to be something for my soul somewhere_

Instinctively, she wants to tell Orochi and Kuchinawa she's leaving. They're her best friends. No, she corrects herself. They _were_ her best friends. So she doesn't say goodbye and she leaves in the middle of the night, like a thief. It's cowardly, but it makes her feel a little better that perhaps they'll simply forget about her. That she'll simply fade from the picture.

_I've been looking for someone to shed some light_

_Not just somebody just to get through the night_

_I could use some direction_

_And I'm open to your suggestions_

The noblewomen of Meltokio bore him. They waste their time with parties and frivolities.

Seles could be doing that, Zelos thinks. She probably wouldn't be, because she was fiery and feministic and intelligent, but she _could have_. She could have been the greatest pianist or they could have sparred together and Seles would have grinned at the noblewomen's scandalized looks.

But they were all Could Have Beens and Zelos hates those.

He meets her by accident. He'd gone down to the Research Academy because they wanted a look at his Crystal. He was thinking of giving it to Seles because perhaps if he stepped down, she'd have a chance.

She's leaning on the banister of the stairs to the basement and someone's shouting up at her to get a long list of somethings or others. She rolls her eyes. "What, you want the wine list too?" She calls back down and grins when the person replies "I think a nice red will do."

"This happens often?" Zelos asks and she turns to look at him. She's pretty enough, he supposes, in a girl-next-door kind of way. Her ebony hair is short, falling to her shoulders, but not like it's part of a fashion, but more because it's simply easier that way. Her T-shirt and paint-splattered pants don't flatter her figure, but the part he focuses on is that there's a dagger at her belt.

"At least twice a day. Who're you?"

Someone who doesn't know who he is. When put like that, Zelos winces because it sounds so arrogant, but it's true. This girl actually doesn't know who he is.

He smiles at her and it doesn't feel fake in the slightest. "Zelos Wilder."

She holds out a hand. "Sheena Fujibayashi."

When he shakes her hand, he's surprised to find callouses and small scars littering the skin on the back of her hand. This girl, Sheena, she's different, blessedly so.

_All i wanna do is find a way back into love_

_I can't make it through without a way back into love_

Their friendship is a strange one. Zelos has never really had a best friend. He's cruel without meaning to be sometimes, but Sheena calls him on it. Her temper sparks and she'll challenge him and he's grateful for it.

Sheena is hesitant and sometimes she'll go quiet without warning. Zelos asks her one of those times if she'd seen a ghost and her head whips around to look at him, eyes too wide and whole body suddenly tense.

He wants nothing but to rid that tension from her body because it feels very wrong coming from her, so he starts talking about the legends of Gaoracchia Forest. Sheena laughs at that, tension melting away.

"What's so funny?" Zelos asked.

"Gaoracchia Forest is nothing like that."

You've been there, he wants to ask. He wants her to hear if everything in those guide books were true.

"Oh really? What's it like then?" He says, trying to make it sound casual.

Sheena clicks her tongue in thought. "Well…it's beautiful, but it's in a really dark kind of way. I-I don't really know how to put it." She isn't a poet and she's never been very good with words. She couldn't find the words to describe the way the sun filtered through the trees into the mist that seemed to be a permanent part of the forest ground. Of the way that sleek predators lurked in the shadows. The way that, when light shone on some of the plants, they were the brightest of colors.

Zelos doesn't need her to describe it in detail. Just that much is enough for his imagination to fill in the rest. It's only now that he thinks to ask if she's from Sybak—because she can't be from Ozette. There's no accent—since it's the only town close to the Forest.

Her hazel eyes have an odd look to them when she replies. "No. I'm from Mizuho."

Zelos paled. "That's a legend."

Sheena snorts. "If you want to think so."

Mizuho. Sheena, the strange, sassy girl that had become his best friend, was from Mizuho. Zelos has heard all the stories, that the people of Mizuho are secret-keepers and secret-stealers. That they were one with shadows and were, supposedly, involved in almost everything but there was never any proof.

He thinks he should be more disturbed by the news, but when he looks at her, he doesn't see a person from the legends, one of those people_ (Assassins, his mind will whisper. Thieves)_. He just sees Sheena.

_And if I open my heart to you_

_I guess I'm hoping you will be there for me till the end_

Sheena is never quite okay after a visit to Mizuho. Zelos offers to accompany her, even if only part of the way._ (It doesn't matter that she let him come with her to the village for Celsius Day. Mizuho was a secret village and no one outside of the village was supposed to know how to get there)_. Sheena had declined the offer and Zelos had let it be.

"So what's the news?" He asks, breaking off a piece of a large pretzel coated in cinnamon that they were sharing.

"They want me to go to Sylvarant."

Zelos frowns. "The moon?"

Sheena smiles and it's a little bitter. "It's not the moon." And she explains to him about parallel worlds and inter-dimensional transfer and it all sounds like something out of one of those scientific fantasy novels that took up an entire two shelves in the Research Academy's bookshelf.

"Ignoring the fact that all that sounds impossible," But it doesn't. Not really. Something about the story she'd just told him sounded _right_ somehow. "Why do they want you to go?"

Sheena has a piece of pretzel in her hand, but she's just staring at it and Zelos puts his arm around her shoulder, steering her out of the way so she doesn't bump into people. "They want me to assassinate Sylvarant's Chosen."

His heart stutters. He remembers when Sheena told him she was from Mizuho and he hadn't been able to see it in her. He still can't. He can't picture her killing someone in cold blood, not because she didn't have the skill. Oh no, Sheena was an excellent fighter, but because she cares too damn much.

"That's crazy." Zelos finally manages.

"I know." She toys with the food in her hands. "But it would protect the village and earn them money. Maybe enough to get them through the winter."

Zelos has seen Mizuho. It isn't a rich village. It's struggling to make it because the people are stubborn enough to think that they don't need help from outsiders because they can make it on their own. Zelos knows Mizuho stubbornness, experiences it with Sheena constantly. It doesn't snow there in the winter, but frost coats the land and freezes their harvest and the premature cold will kill off some of their crops and the land isn't quite healthy enough to keep supporting them, so during the winter, rations become leaner.

"Why get you to do this though? There's plenty of people who could do it." Zelos met Kuchinawa and Orochi. They're strong enough and more willing to kill than she was.

She shrugs. "I don't know. But I have to try." For Mizuho, but she doesn't say that. She doesn't have to.

"I'm not going to try to stop you." Because he knows that it's a fool's errand to try because that stubbornness will rear its head.

"Good." Sheena says tartly and it makes him laugh.

"_But," _He continues, "I will have a cup of coffee and a pretzel waiting for you when you get back."

_There are times when i don't know if it's real_

_Or if anybody feels the way i feel_

Time seems very slow now that she's back in Mizuho. There are a hundred things to get done—packing, finishing the harvest, negotiations with Meltokio—and they need to get done quickly, but to Sheena, things have never moved more slowly.

Orochi will see her watching the sky sometimes and he'll ask her if she's alright. Sheena will turn to him and shrug. "Something just feels off."

Orochi doesn't believe it, not one hundred percent. He doesn't know the extent of what happened with her Chosen, but he knows enough. The Chosen was a traitor. He'd come by, intending to apologize by the look of it, but Orochi had glanced back at the village—Sheena had been feeling heartsore for a few days now—and told him that he wasn't allowed in the village. Orochi has no idea whether he'd done the right thing, keeping the two apart like that, but he doesn't want Sheena any more hurt than she already was.

"It's being off the battlefield." He tells her. "It must feel strange after so long."

Sheena doesn't reply, but she does consider the possibility before tossing it out the window. No, there was no battle weariness tugging at her bones. That had faded after the first few days. She can't put her finger on it, but something was missing.

_I need inspiration_

_Not just another negotiation_

She nearly jumps out of her skin when she turns to see him there. He's at the back door, which was in her kitchen, looking fairly pitiful with a mug in one hand and something wrapped in foil in the other.

Sheena opens the door, but doesn't let him in. "Why're you here, Wilder?" Her anger with him has faded, but that doesn't mean she trusts him.

Zelos gives her an unsure-but-game smile, one she hasn't seen in a long time. He holds up the things in his hands. "I owe you a pretzel and some coffee. Remember?"

She remembers. How could she not? Sheena is silent for a minute before she sighs and steps aside. "Get inside then. The coffee'll get cold."

She doesn't ask how he made it into the village undetected. It wouldn't be a problem with those wings of his that she knows he's keeping hidden.

_(I'm sorry…no excuse…sister…how could I…you're a traitor…wanted to help…)_

The words hang between them, a physical presence that makes it a little difficult to breathe. But they don't say the words. They know each other well enough, have imagined this conversation so many times with so many different scenarios, that they know what the other will say. They don't have to say anything.

Sheena looks at him. "Want some coffee yourself?" She's the only one who drinks coffee in Mizuho. She thinks it's because she spent so long in Meltokio. Mizuhoans are raised more as tea people and they usually found coffee too bitter.

His smile is tentative, but it's real and he's trying not to make himself too comfortable. "Sure, darling."

The pet name slips and they both wince mentally, but don't comment on it. As she keeps making the coffee, he asks, "So…how's everything been?"

Sheena's shoulders lift and fall in a graceful shrug. Zelos isn't sure when Sheena became graceful, but he supposes it had happened sometime during their journey. Everyone had changed after that. "…A little dull, to be honest."

She only dares speak her mind so honestly because this is Zelos—she can't do that to Orochi and the villagers. They're at _peace_, finally. They deserved better—He'd been on the journey with her, had seen everything she had and a few things she hadn't. They'd stared down their worst fears being spat in their faces and they'd come out on top. If anyone would get it, he would.

Zelos chuckles a little. "Yeah, I know the feeling. Everything's been really…surreal...since we got back."

"Have you seen the others?" She asks, leaning against the counter beside him as she passed him his coffee.

"Lloyd, Colette, Raine and Regal have been in Meltokio almost constantly, trying to figure out the little details."

Sheena snorts a little. "I hate those details with a passion."

He eyes her. "Why?"

"Because it's all I ever seem to hear about these days."

Zelos barked a laugh, but his mind is trying to wrap itself around the fact that Sheena was the Chief of Mizuho. He'd know, naturally. He had been camped out with the others for the night as the ceremony took place, but it had never really sunk in. She was the Chief. Suddenly, Zelos felt very old and wondered where their days of meandering through Meltokio and exploring the surrounding land had gone.

"Well…if you need a break…you could always come to Meltokio yourself." He suggested hesitantly.

Sheena's eyes were unreadable. Something else that had changed. "And what, abandon my village?"

"Of course not. Mizuho needs an ambassador, doesn't it? And the King's been looking for a peace ambassador with the Sylvaranti."

"You offering me a job?"

"Well…I kind of already suggested you for it."

"Is that so?" But there's a smile on her lips and Zelos knows that he might not be entirely forgiven, not yet, but at least there was a possibility for it.

_All i wanna do is find a way back into love_

_I can't make it through without a way back into love_

They come up with a system. Sheena stays two weeks in Meltokio, two in Mizuho. She makes trips out to the Sylvaranti towns and they'll recognize her and ask that she join them for some ale. Her welcome is much more wary in Tethe'allan towns.

Zelos and Sheena still tiptoe around the subject of his betrayal. They've never tiptoed around anything before, which only makes things even more awkward.

She lives with him while she's in Meltokio and Zelos slowly finds that he's become accustomed to seeing her face in kitchen when he wakes up. He'll be blurry-eyed and he'll slump against the counter, which only makes her laugh and she pushes her mug of coffee at him. Neither comments on the fact that she added a little less sugar so he could bear it. _("What is it with you and sugar?" He'd asked the first few times she'd had coffee. "It's too bitter!" He'd laughed and just shook his head.)_

_And if i open my heart again_

_I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me till the end_

She's standing beside him when Seles walks out of the Abbey and if he grips her hand a little too tightly, she doesn't say anything. She simply squeezes back.

_All I wanna do is find a way back into love_

_I can't make it through without a way back into love_

Zelos has a talent for pissing women off, Sheena especially. It's simple for him to get a rise out of someone. He wheedles and teases until the leash of their temper snaps.

But this time, it was on accident and that made it a little worse.

It had been at one of those dinner parties that they were both forced to attend. The higher ups had been discussing on whether Tethe'alla's former Chosen should be put into an arranged marriage with Sylvarant's Chosen to promote unity and peace between the people who, until seven months ago, had no knowledge of each other.

He'd panicked. Not that he didn't love Colette. He did, but certainly not like _that_. She wasn't even quite a little sister because she had that strange wisdom of hers. It was something else, something strange that Lloyd called a Chosen-thing. So he'd said that he was already planning to propose to someone else.

When they'd all asked him who, he'd blurted out the first name that came to mind. Sheena's.

"Sheena?"

He ducked the heel that was flung at his head. He bent to retrieve it when another one went whizzing over him, nearly hitting his head. When he realized where she'd been aiming, naturally thinking that he was still standing, he got a bit more protective.

He jogs up to her and dangles the heel. "Didn't your grandfather ever teach you that it isn't nice to throw a heel at your friends?"

"Go sit on a cactus."

So much for nice.

He tries for charm. "That wounds my tender sensibilities."

"If you sat on a cactus, your sensibilities wouldn't be the only tender thing wounded."

Zelos gave up trying the charm. It had never worked on Sheena anyway. "Listen, I'm sorry, alright?"

"You didn't think, did you?"  
"No I didn't because I wasn't about to be shipped off and married to Colette!"

"You couldn't have lied?"

"I_ did_!"

"Any name, Zelos! You could have picked any name in the world and made someone up, but you had to go and pick me!" She whirled on him. "I have to deal with these people _every day_. They're some of the people that decide the future of my village and now, thanks to your lie, I'm never going to be taken seriously by them because I'll be just another one of your thrice-damned hunnies."

"You wouldn't be." He said quietly, his feet suddenly making the decision to stop moving.

Anger slightly deflated, but still there, she looked back at him. "Wouldn't be what?"

"One of the hunnies."

"Somehow I find that difficult to believe." Sheena started striding away, fully intending to get out of this dress and into bed. She was tired and frustrated and she really didn't want to deal with this right now.

A hand around her wrist jerks her back. "Do you really believe that?" Zelos asked her, voice utterly serious. "Do you really think that you'd be just another girl?"

"Considering your track record, yeah, I think it'd be a pretty good shot."

"You don't get it, do you?"

"What is it that I'm supposed to be getting?"

"You're _different_ than all the other girls, Sheena."

"That's because I wasn't about to become another notch in the bedpost."

"Will you just…let me get this out?" Sheena falls silent, but her chin is slightly raised, eyes defiant. "You're…stubborn and independent and snarly and you like to argue. You take your coffee too sweet and you're too damn awake in the mornings. Who knows why, in the name of Hell, I had to go and fall for _you_ of all people, but I did and_ no_, darling, you wouldn't be another one of the hunnies because I was never stupid enough to fall for them."

Sheena stared at him. "_What?_"

"You heard me." He said, slightly defensive.

"I heard you, but sometimes you talk too damn fast, idiot."

Zelos dropped his gaze. "I-I think I'm love with you. There, I said it." He's startled when he feels her arm shake and then he hears that she's _laughing_. "You don't have to laugh at me."

Sheena shakes her head and tugs him closer. Her arms wrap around him in a hug. "We're a screwed up pair, aren't we?"

He returns the embrace. "Is that an 'I-love-you-too-oh-Great-Zelos'?" He asks into her hair.

Her shoulders shake with another chuckle. "More or less."

_And if I open my heart to you_

_I'm hoping you will show me what to do_

_And if you help me start again_

_You know I'll be there for you till the end_

-/

I've been living with a shadow over head  
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed  
I've been lonely for so long  
Trapped in the past i just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away  
Just in case i ever need them again someday  
I've been setting aside time  
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

(chorus)  
All i wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can"t make it through without a way back into love

ooh

I've been watching but the sun refuses to shine  
I've been searching but i just don't see the sign's  
I know that it's out there  
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light  
Not just somebody just to get through the night  
I could use some direction  
And I'm open to your suggestions

(chorus)  
All i wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
And if i open my heart to you  
I guess im hoping you will be there for me till the end  
(music)

ooooohhhh.  
ooooohhhh,  
ooooohhhh

There are times when i don't know if its real  
Or if anybody feels the way i feel  
I need inspiration  
Not just another negotiation

(chorus)

All i wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
And if i open my heart again  
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me till the end

All I wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you  
I'm hoping you will show me what to do

And if you help me start again  
You know I'll be there for you till the end  
I've been living with a shadow over head  
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed  
I've been lonely for so long  
Trapped in the past i just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away  
Just in case i ever need them again someday  
I've been setting aside time  
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

(chorus)  
All i wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can"t make it through without a way back into love

ooh

I've been watching but the sun refuses to shine  
I've been searching but i just don't see the sign's  
I know that it's out there  
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light  
Not just somebody just to get through the night  
I could use some direction  
And I'm open to your suggestions

(chorus)  
All i wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
And if i open my heart to you  
I guess im hoping you will be there for me till the end  
(music)

ooooohhhh.  
ooooohhhh,  
ooooohhhh

There are times when i don't know if its real  
Or if anybody feels the way i feel  
I need inspiration  
Not just another negotiation

(chorus)

All i wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
And if i open my heart again  
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me till the end

All I wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you  
I'm hoping you will show me what to do

And if you help me start again  
You know I'll be there for you till the end 


End file.
